In the Darkness

Most children and even some adults are afraid of the dark. I used to be one of those kids, and even when I have watched a scary movie, or things seem to be "too quiet" I can still be a little spooked of the dark. Overall, since I am sort of an "adult" now I am no longer afraid of the dark.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how stupid it is to be afraid of the dark. I do understand that not being able to see something but yet at the same time being able to hear it can be frightening, but what if you couldn't hear anything? Would it still be scary? Imagine being in a room with no windows, and everything was black. You couldn't see your hand if you put it an inch from your face. Then imagine that you had a paint brush and a magic can of paint. This paint appeared black in the can (yes I realize that you cant see it, just play along) and it was black on brush, but the minute it hit the wall, floor or ceiling, it was the most glorious and brilliant white you have ever seen!

Whenever we have darkness, in our dreams, in our relationships, in our work, in our minds, we have the ability to turn it all around. During high school I discovered this amazing ability my mind had. I could control my dreams. Before this time, I would have a nightmare and I would talk in my sleep, thinking that I all I wanted was for the dream to end. I would wake up scared, and in a cold sweat. Eventually I started to control my dreams. I was Superman, Jesus, and Bill Gates all rolled into one. I could stop a bullet, raise the dead, and buy anything I wanted. This continues to be a very useful tool today.

I normally am not a very sentimental person, I rarely think about the past mostly thinking "why would I want to relive the past? It wasn't that good?" For years this was my sentiment. If I am sitting and watching a beautiful sunset, I would rather look forward to the next great moment than to sit and pine for the moment that just passed.

I am a light sleeper, it takes me almost an hour most nights to fall asleep. During this hour I don't help myself sleep by having the same forward thinking that I talked about in the paragraph above. I think about the next day, what I am going to do every hour of every day and how I am going to do it. It is very useful to having an effective day, but often times it gets me wound up. Lately I have been asking myself this question? Where were you a year ago? If you would have asked me that question a year ago I would have ignored the answer due to the fact that my life was not fulfilling. Now if you ask me that question, I have a different story.

A year ago I was trying to sleep at my brothers house in Utah. I was about to get on an airplane, and take the biggest step of progression in my life. I was about to propose! I was nervous and excited, mostly excited. Kelly and I spent the night on a riverboat cruise in the Mississippi River. The air was warm and moist, the food was amazing, the sunset was the most brilliant I had ever seen. The company wasn't bad either ;). It was a monumental day, with repercussions that will sound through eternity.

Bring on the darkness. Each night I can sit in bed and lay awake and ask myself "where was I a year ago?". I no longer have to be afraid that the answer is a single guy, sitting around with his roommates eating pizza on a Friday night because we couldn't get dates. I may not be able to remember exactly what I was doing a year ago. I may have just been sitting at home watching TV, but the difference is that Kelly was with me. I can sit in that dark room, paintbrush in hand, and paint a picture of a year ago without fear or regret. I can recreate a masterpiece of a year ago, were a simple family dinner or trip to the grocery store is more magnificent that any painting can justify. I love my wife.

Bring on the darkness, bring it on.